The journey of psychotherapy
/A Client’s View:
Psychotherapy can be challenging, disappointing and encouraging all in the same process. An ex-client has written a letter describing the long term outcomes from a therapeutic relationship that spanned several years, after an 18 months gap:
“I miss our conversations but I am (now) coping OK in my ‘real world’. I have had a few challenges over the last couple of months which would have been ‘fodder’ for much counselling. However I have come through relatively unscathed and with friendships intact. My husband tells me I have been very ‘good’, which is comforting. My focus is still on making my family life my number one priority and although work has tried to creep in and cause chaos, I have stayed very aware of the importance of my physical and emotional well being and have managed to keep the work in perspective, maintaining adult reactions rather than gravitating back to a ‘reactive’ child mode of emotionalism. There has been a notable increase in feeling my emotions in the present instead of ignoring them and going into a split off, detached, mode.
It feels good to release the emotion-happy or sad or angry and I have also managed to express them in a socially acceptable and healthy manner which has not interrupted harmony too much and has (I can’t believe it) allowed me to reveal some of the raw, real, me to people: I would have frequently put on an act or a front in the past. This is great, of course, but I realise the other side of that is I get to see and feel all aspects of human nature as an adult and not in my ‘fantasy world’ of when everything and everyone was ‘pure and perfect’ as I tried to convince myself.
My emotional connections with people are deeper and with that comes responsibility-again my only words to describe the feeling of this is like I have woken up or someone has snapped their fingers to bring me to attention from a hazy day dream. When I am interacting with people, I feel a strong sense of being in the present (the ‘here & now’), responding and expressing emotion and receiving the other person’s responses, accurately listening to their words and their feelings. I am down a path I have not been before and it is all new and sometimes scary, as I am experiencing Life for the first time. You helped me switch on my ‘cognitive brain’ and it has turned the key to unlock that part of me that had stayed hidden and protected but in a real sense, ‘dead’, so in summary I feel ‘alive’ for the first time!!
I am letting people see I am not perfect and that I do have flaws and that’s OK because I am OK. The best part is I don’t have to pretend and I don’t have to manipulate to get my way and I am not allowing people to manipulate me in return – a huge weight off my mind. I have let go of control and found that I am just like everyone else, trying to fit in with life and discover who I am. I can still feel the ‘little girl’ in me but she is no longer the dominant being, keeping me subjugated and needing to please authority figures. My boss has tried to manipulate and influence my emotions as usual but I have not responded and complied and I can see that I have definitely dropped a few rungs on the ‘V.I.P Ladder’- and scary as it is, that is OK too!! You did tell me I was text book ‘normal and average’ but I just didn’t believe it. Now I can see it and I have a few more friends as a result. I do not work anything like the way I used to and my perfect standards have dropped and that’s OK too. My key word is ‘moderation’ and I say it over and over when sorting out what Ineed to do and what I am able to do.
I have drifted away from a few people as well as they have given up on trying controlling me with no disastrous end result and that has been liberating!
Recently my mother actually directly displayed affection for me in front of other people and family members. She put her arm around my shoulder, introduced me as her beautiful daughter and did not let go for at least a minute and even when I moved slightly, she hung on. This is a first and she did appear to be comfortable with this. I did not know what to do at first and my emotions initially stiffened but I breathed and gave in to the moment and allowed her to hug for as long as she wanted and I moved only when she let her arm drop. This is a big step for mum and I hope a step in the right direction in her own emotional healing. She told me she enjoyed the day and loved having me as company-it was a lovely day.
I am not drinking alcohol in huge quantity like I used to and this has been a major difference and it has been a major difference and had the most positive effect with my family and I believe this is only the beginning.
Good, hey! Thank you for accompanying me on the journey.
This is not the end but the beginnings of new and healthy ways of dealing with her life. Everyone is different and stories are always unique, but this story hopefully encourages us all to consider that change is in fact possible despite the perceived challenges!